Handling Pain by Choosing to Grow.

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“When people feel hurt, most lash out at the other person as the cause of their pain. However, there is always pain inside before another can trigger it; the other person only acts as a catalyst. The other person is not the cause. The cause is pain within you. It is not an accident that the other person triggered it, either, for most often you choose to be around loved ones and friends who know how to upset you so you may learn and grow.”

– from Personal Power Through Awareness: An Orin Book by Sanaya Roman. (Full credits and link at the end of this post.)

In my 20’s and 30’s I had a lot of very painful reactions to life. A small thing like a non-abusive comment made by a friend, lack of what I thought was sufficient praise from a boss, or a boyfriend forgetting to call me when he said he would, could set off in me a fire storm of painful emotions and thoughts. Feelings of deep anger, rage, abandonment, fear, low self esteem, and hurt would burn in me with fierce intensity.

Invariably I would blame the other person for my hurt. – “If only they had been more sensitive, kind, or thoughtful,” I would think, then I wouldn’t feel so horrible!” I verbally lashed out at others in anger, walked out of jobs, broke off relationships, and stopped frequenting clubs and cafes, all in an attempt to get away from those “nasty” people I thought had caused me so much pain. My world became smaller and emptier, and I was using more and more food, drugs, and alcohol to soothe my hurt feelings. At times I had thoughts of suicide.

All this frightened me and I started looking for answers. Luckily for me, I loved to read and would often visit bookstores where I could hang out and look through books I found interesting for hours at a time. It was in a little metaphysical bookstore that I found Sanaya Roman’s Living With Joy, Personal Power thru Awareness, Spiritual Growth, and others. The messages I read in her books spoke to me on a very deep level:

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“It is important to learn how to handle pain, for in doing so you allow your soul to become the captain of the ship. What is pain? Pain is an area in which you are not able to experience your soul’s love. Pain is an area waiting for love.”

“Learn to stop talking when the energy grows heavy and dense between you and another. If you can create physical distance, do so. You can then bring in light by sitting quietly, imagining peace. It may be difficult to imagine peace when you are feeling angry. Try imagining beautiful scenery, a good memory, or something that will restore a sense of balance. Then, invite your soul into your heart. Ask it to awaken the highest consciousness possible of yourself as a loving being.”

“You may begin to feel an intensification of peace, and you may begin to feel sorry for what you have done or said……You may realize the other person got carried away…..”

“Ask your soul to show you the gift that this or any other situation is offering you. The degree to which you feel pain is often an indication of the size of the gift that awaits you when you understand why you set it up.”

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The idea that another person could trigger pain only because there was already pain within me and that if there was no pain within, another person couldn’t bring it out, was revolutionary to me. I almost couldn’t believe it. For years I had been eliminating people and places from my life and self righteously lashing out at others because I thought they had hurt me. According to this book, I had been carrying around the pain with me the whole time! Although it boggled my mind, a part of me sensed there was truth to this idea. I started playing with the meditations, techniques, and concepts in Personal Power Thru Awareness and Sanaya Roman’s other books. Gradually I began to see changes for the better in my relationships with others.

By focusing on owning and healing the pain within me I started to experience more compassion, joy, acceptance, and tolerance of others in my life. Things that used to make me grit my teeth in anger and annoyance (like my daughter doing cartwheels in the kitchen while I was making dinner) I could now smile at and actually enjoy!

Over the years I have experienced a huge change for the better in my reactions to life from practicing the meditations and concepts in Sanaya Roman and Orin’s books and other healing resources I have found. I am forever grateful for the love and wisdom shared by them and the love and kindness of the people who worked at that little metaphysical bookstore so many years ago in letting a very hurt young woman read and hang out for hours looking for answers.

Sparrow.

All quotes in bold face print in this post are from the book Personal Power Through Awareness: A Guidebook for Sensitive People by Sanaya Roman, a book published by New World Library.

Information at https://www.orindaben.com/